running-inside-me-views

12 years of…

roadToday marks a day that ultimately changed my life forever. Even though theĀ  immediate outcome was good, the long-term outcome I still suffer. Twelve years ago, I was a victim of a hate crime. Not many know this and may be somewhat surprised about, but it is something I don’t really get into. Not that it is hard to talk about, it is just something I never needed to bring up. The story is pretty straight forward. I was walking with my then-boyfriend and we were jumped because we were white. He was attacked first but I ended up defending him somehow and I got the brunt of their anger. The reason I know this is because my injuries were so much more pronounced than his. He suffered a mild concussion with a cut to the cheek, but visibly okay. I, on the other hand, was beaten with such force that my face was swollen in multiple areas; cuts in my mouth (I had just gotten my braces), a hairline fracture to my skull near my temple and I was stomped on so hard that a shoe print was visible in a bruise near my eye. I clearly had a major concussion with memory damage. Even after 12 years, only bits and pieces have vaguely appeared in my memory but over all, I do not remember what happened that night. As time has passed, I have noticed my memory getting worse and worse. I see myself forgetting things more and quicker. Walking into a room or even in the middle of doing something I will forget. It does take time to try and remember but sometimes It can take hours or days before It comes to my mind again. It really isn’t easy and sometimes I see myself feeling depressed over my condition.

I know there wasn’t anything I could have done and this was the hand I was dealt. We all know that God does not do these things to us, he just lets it happen. We live in a world full of hate and despair and people are very quick to blame God for it all. I, on the other hand, do not blame God for any of this. I don’t even have anger to the boys that did it. However, I am frustrated because I just don’t know what to do with my condition. I am sure there is some power foods to help but it won’t eliminate the problem. It is just something I have to live with.

This post isn’t really helpful as I am still trying to process my life as my memory is getting worse, but I do know it happened for a reason and I just need to figure out what and why. Sometimes we are put in situations and we do not know why until many years later and it isn’t until that time it all makes sense. The circle is finally complete.

Has there been a situation in your life that makes you wonder why? and did you figure out what that ‘why’ was?

– J

running-inside-me-views
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A band-aid

It has been forever since I last posted; and a lot has happened. After I lost my job (yes, I was let go) I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I knew I had to hurry and take care of things for the sake of my daughter, but I knew rushing into something was just gonna be a quick fix; A band-aid. Rent was due, Madie’s tuition, Food… they were creeping up on me real fast and I had to do something. Now, I am not saying I am unhappy at this new job of mine (yes, I found a job!) but my income is way less than before and I am finding myself stretching at both ends to the point I am almost transparent. It was at a point where depression and stress really sat in. Life Sucked. There really was no other way to put it; it was just not what I expected my life to be at this point.

band-aid

Then after two months, I hit a huge obstacle in my life. I had to have emergency surgery to remove a mass and an ovary. Not exactly what I needed at that moment. Than it hit me! If I had been at my old job, they would have not saved my position because I was the only one in that field. I would have lost my job and worse, I wouldn’t have been able to find a new one because I was on strict bed rest. I can’t even imagine the roller coaster that would have been and frankly, I do not want to know. This is where I realize God had it planned the whole time. It isn’t what I wanted and It defiantly wasn’t the right timing, but God does things to us to help us remember that he is always there. Yes, I still was in a pickle and still am, but not as much as I could have been. It’s those little things that hit you like a ton of bricks and make you realize you were wrong the entire time. Life doesn’t suck. It may have just made a different turn but the road did not end. I still have a roof over my head, food somehow appears on our table and I am kept warm at night thanks to heat. I have to remember to count my blessings; not my curses.

I think as adults we tend to forget what we are blessed with and we let time go by and not appreciate what we have. He doesn’t want us to dwell on what we could have had, he wants us to remember what we do have.

My Blessings

  • I got to keep my job & they’re working with me to settle back in easier
  • GOD BLESS AFLAC (No Joke!)
  • Because it was during the holidays, extra gifts helped pay for expenses
  • Felt the love with food thanks to Church, Family and Friends
  • Madie got to spend more time with Mommy

I could go on but those seem to be a good examples of what I experienced. God was there. God knew. God provided.

What blessings have you experienced?

– J