12 years of…

roadToday marks a day that ultimately changed my life forever. Even though the  immediate outcome was good, the long-term outcome I still suffer. Twelve years ago, I was a victim of a hate crime. Not many know this and may be somewhat surprised about, but it is something I don’t really get into. Not that it is hard to talk about, it is just something I never needed to bring up. The story is pretty straight forward. I was walking with my then-boyfriend and we were jumped because we were white. He was attacked first but I ended up defending him somehow and I got the brunt of their anger. The reason I know this is because my injuries were so much more pronounced than his. He suffered a mild concussion with a cut to the cheek, but visibly okay. I, on the other hand, was beaten with such force that my face was swollen in multiple areas; cuts in my mouth (I had just gotten my braces), a hairline fracture to my skull near my temple and I was stomped on so hard that a shoe print was visible in a bruise near my eye. I clearly had a major concussion with memory damage. Even after 12 years, only bits and pieces have vaguely appeared in my memory but over all, I do not remember what happened that night. As time has passed, I have noticed my memory getting worse and worse. I see myself forgetting things more and quicker. Walking into a room or even in the middle of doing something I will forget. It does take time to try and remember but sometimes It can take hours or days before It comes to my mind again. It really isn’t easy and sometimes I see myself feeling depressed over my condition.

I know there wasn’t anything I could have done and this was the hand I was dealt. We all know that God does not do these things to us, he just lets it happen. We live in a world full of hate and despair and people are very quick to blame God for it all. I, on the other hand, do not blame God for any of this. I don’t even have anger to the boys that did it. However, I am frustrated because I just don’t know what to do with my condition. I am sure there is some power foods to help but it won’t eliminate the problem. It is just something I have to live with.

This post isn’t really helpful as I am still trying to process my life as my memory is getting worse, but I do know it happened for a reason and I just need to figure out what and why. Sometimes we are put in situations and we do not know why until many years later and it isn’t until that time it all makes sense. The circle is finally complete.

Has there been a situation in your life that makes you wonder why? and did you figure out what that ‘why’ was?

– J

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