My commitment is still going strong; well sort of. Its been 7 months since I started and It has been one heck of a ride. One example on how crazy its been; I meant to write this post at my half way mark and I ended up counting wrong and missed a month. And I know the Lord is testing my patience and my… well… commitment!
Since I decided to not date anyone and just focus on the Lord, I’ve had lots of changes. I got a job, my daughter started school, my life is crazy as all heck and top it off a lot of my friends got married or started dating as I am still single. Yes, I get into the third wheel syndrome even if no one treats me that way, but Its easy to feel lonely and left out when you have no one to spent time with or relate too. What’s cool though is even when I feel down and depressed as I try to go through this commitment, God is helping me remember why this is so important. I’m still reading all through Proverbs and a new series at church called “Marriage” began this week. Its nice to be reminded what God wants us to be and also know what his expectations as a married (or even dating) couple is as well. Learning from our mistakes is a big part of our journey. Two of the “Do Not Do” examples during the series is what I did in my marriage and I can gladly tell you it did not work.
- Do not try to change him (or her) — I thought since my ex husband was willing to learn about God that I could make him the Christian he should be. It did not work well at all. Its something that he needed to be willing to do on his own and learn on what a husband really needed to be.
- They will tell you anything — He become committed on becoming a christian BUT it was until after we were married he showed that he was not ready or not willing to be one. Or at least change his ways that needed to be done.
And this my friends is why I am divorced (at least part of it) and this is why I wanted to do this commitment. I don’t want another man where we will struggle with our walk with Christ. I need a man who already has one. I need one that I can submit too even with faults but have faith to know he will learn from those mistakes and do his best to take care of me and our family. I need someone who will love me like God loved the church. I need someone, but only in God’s time; and of course I need to learn to be a much better wife than I was. Yes, I’m tired of being alone and I miss that comfort but after failing my only two relationships, I need to learn from those mistakes and I need to leave it all to God. This is my reminder on why I am on my commitment. I need to remember God needs to be first and not pushed aside like he was before.
Bring on the 5 more month and let’s see what else I can learn! 🙂