It has been three weeks since my commitment and I can say I am doing pretty good. The stress and weight of my “what ifs” and “wants” are slowly disappearing that I don’t really have the desire anymore to seek a relationship with someone. It’s amazing because now my focus has been more on Madie, and doing things more with her; plus working more with my Photography and my job as the Cat Handler at the Kennel should be starting up in about 3 weeks. Since my focus has changed and my life is heading in the direction the Lord wants me to have; I have been more calm then feeling sorry for myself that I am alone and divorced.
Right now at church we are going through the series “Broken” and I feel these series are helping me with certain situations and learning how to deal with them and how to bring myself more closer to God in a way I have never done before. This last week I admitted to Angela, the pastor’s wife, on how I had kept certain secrets hidden from the church because I felt I would be gossiping or expressing my weaknesses to the world; well I expressed them to her and I felt so much more better that I was able to talk to others about it. Knowing I’m making those first steps I am able to control my anger and issues at home and not lose control and figure this out without problems. At least I see an improvement, I hope others do too!
I think this commitment has become more of just “not dating” but coming more of a spiritual journey on where my life needed to be with God and in the physical world before God places me with a man that will love and take care of Madie and I and we can be the family that should happen more in the world. I don’t expect a perfect relationship because I don’t believe that exist in this world but as long as our main focus is God and our lives are centered around him and our children are given back to God than everything will fall into place. I am learning that now as a single woman and I can take that with me to my future.
Side-note: A woman at our doctors office told my mom and I we should take about 15 minutes a day of time to ourselves so we don’t get too stressed or too worked up on what to do. She told us to pick three things to do:
- I will write in my journey
- I will read the bible
- I will relax by just sitting down for a moment <— yes this one is weird but I can tell you I don’t visit the couch or bed like I like too lol
I’m hoping taking time for myself can help me just release all that stress and pressure and be more of a better person for God. I am hoping to make dates with friends through out the week and just give me me time because mom’s deserve it and we don’t get it. It’s not cool and I don’t want to lose sight of myself. I just hope I can commit like I have with other things because I do have a hard time committing to certain things but if I can hold off dating for a year, I think taking time for myself should be a snap! 😛